Every person has an Angel.

I love you more.

Photography: pros and cons.

Not ready yet.

So close, no matter how far.

Last Saturday... August 25th... I was walking with my dog Najya in the field nearby my house... The warm wind was touching my cheeks tenderly... it was a really warm weather, I'd even say hot, for 11 - 12 p.m.

I was whispering a lulluby... Actually, the most important song ever. The most beautiful song. The song which every person needs, especially a child. Lulluby is definetely my favourite song! I think so because I noticed when I am down in the dumps I sing lullubies to myself, when I am in a peaceful mood I sing lullubies, when I am face to face with children I am eager to sing them lullubies...

This time I was singing a lulluby I created myself. The melody was twisting in my head the whole previous week..

Lulluby is not something difficult to compose :) Especially when you are a woman. I bet many women experienced kind of an improvisation on a famous Russian lulluby about a grey little wolf who steals tots if they lie on the bed edge. "BAu-bAushki-baU, ne lojIs'a nA kraU"... Follow the stress in this phrase: it makes a circular hooked movement/ intonation. If you speak Russian, than you also know that these words are diminutive, very sweet. Lullubies are usully sung on 1 - 5 notes, quite repetetive words and melodies... A lot of prolonging Uuus and Aaas...

This all reminds me the words of my teacher, a famous Russian jazz critic Mikhail Metropolskiy that you will never find any correct diffinition for Swing. Overall, it's a movement of soul, the mood created by the special rythm ( triols or in easier words - step, step, triple step ).
So does a lulluby. It's a special soul state put into music which harmonizes the inner work of a person's organizm, calms it down and positively affects on the mood, thoughts and health ( power of words ) and prevents nightmares, of course :)

What's more, lullubies make a strong connection between a mother and a child. A mother gives her mood through a song to a child, gives her worries and smiles. And most important, an idea or a thought! Like " You have to sleep". You must have noticed, people often repeat " You have do this, you have to do this" to a child for him/her to take this information finally. In a lulluby you can endlessly repeat verses and it won't loose its attractive form.

My Mother believes children chooses parents themselves long before they are born. In this case, I had a big doubt beeing in my early teens =) However, I have always loved this version because it smells with something romantic.

And it's strange, so-so strange to write it now.. But I think my child ( hope, my first one :) ) chose me August 25th... I tried to explain this feeling to Love... But she just smiled understanding me as "girl-to-girl" and said something like: Don't try to explain, you will never manage, but it exists. It's just a feeling you will never be able to put into words. But keep it in your heart!". And I will. There has always been a connection which can't be explained between a mother and a child. With my lulluby I called the baby's soul to me and it gave me a reply, because only this summer I became mature enough to be responsible for someone. Little girls play with dolls imagining they are mothers. But ask them what are their principles of the upbringing - they won't be able to answer. Not only because of some life experience, but reading books too, I think I found my personal way. And it will differ significantly from how my Mom brought me up. That's not what I would like to discuss today, but praise children! A lot! And not only for good marks at school! I have never been praised in my childhood, I was always told I am a little devil, who'd rather shut up or will be slapped. And I was slapped a lot with a belt severely. And this is where a lot of my problems start. I will develop sometime the idea why children should hear MORE compliments from parents here and it's proved very well by the church teacher, children psychologist Shishova.

This July I got a curious sms saying the person, so-called S., whom you could read about before in the posts, felt in the centre of the Universe and found that feeling wonderful! Hm... Weird, isn't it? I don't know what that was about but the next time the same person had this feeling was meeting his lifetime best friend.

I didn't expect it would come suddenly standing on the field August 25th. A "wild" silence around, the sky dome covered with millions of sparkling white dots and only the wind continued tousling my hair... Then I found myself in a megapolis: the insane scream, car beeps... Then the silence in the field... Then the village... shallow water... hurricanes... And the field. And I stand on a field and feel the whole World. And then I sing the lulluby and then I feel the child. Again, I don't know how to put these very feelings in words, but I clearly understood that... in the centre of the World a Child stands. The beginning of a human's life, the one who continues it, the one who is in the same row with the God, the creature without sins. Then... a child's crying... more and more.... and then.....silence and a Lulluby.

Will you believe it lasted a second? The next second was a harmony. And forever.

" Oy, tzvetOchek mAlen'kiy, (Oy, the little flower)

Oy, tzvetOchek Alen'kiy.. (Oy, the scarlet flower)

Moy VanUsha mAlen'kiy, (My Vanu'sha little boy)

Da, mAlen'kiy udAlen'kiy... (But a daring little boy)

Oy, da shiOchki Alen'ki, (Oy, the cheeks are scarlet*)

Oy, da shiOchki mAmen'ki, (Oy, the cheeks are like mother's)

Oy, da rUchki glAden'ki, (Oy, the hands are gentle)

Da, glAzan'ki golUben'ki... (And the eyes are blue)

PrihodI, VAnya, domOy, (Vanya, come back home)

JdiOt na pEchke DomovOy, (Domovo'y's** waiting on a Stove***)

NOjki svEsil so pechI, (Hanging down his legs)

Da, vArit - jArit kulichI... (Boiling - frying candy cakes)

Aa...

........................................." .

* The brighter the cheeks of a child - the healthier he/she is - considered in Russia.

** Domovoy - a little God - host in every Russian house. If you leave something sweet for him, he will stay in your house and will take care of it.

*** A traditional white Russian Stove.

PS: Don't judge the translation strictly.. Better learn Russian : ) !

Thought from the past...

From the July's blackwriting.
"On Wednesday (and the day before Wednesday I thought it was Tuesday...) I found out I live on the same metro station with the Chicago college bluez guitar teacher Chris. We had a nice chat. My American friend Robert suggests Russian to be harsh, while Vlado , a brother-slav from Bulgaria, says Russian is soft comparing with his native language. I asked for Chris's opinion and he gave me a brilliant answer! He just said Russian is beautiful. He is quite experienced in singing in English, he heard German and Italian and now Russian... And any language has a connection with music for him, has a rythm, its melody etc. Every language is good for singing in it, so it's beautiful, by all means, because music is always beautiful. I can only smile... :)
Meaningful.
PS: Robert easily recognized people talking the Russian language in the American cafe after 2 weeks listening intensively to my English-Russian translations for Alina in Prague.
This night I heard the Nigerian woman devilering a speech on TED.com and before I read her biography, I strongly guessed she had an extremely similar accent to Onyesie's (Nigerian student from the Summer Programme). The other common thing is that I know them talking only about Nigeria and nothing more, but Nigeria, its problems and potential. Are they all so patriotic there? Uh? :) ".

Dear Angel,

Not ready yet.

Callosity

Woke up, watched TV, payed money for driving courses, high platform, very high platform, only men on courses, over 30, high platform, very high platform, met two classmates. One is still my friend (Krolik), the other is her good friend, but we haven't spoken for 4 (?) years. Rude, "banal" beer girls. But lovely. Just little. They must be deep. They waited till I've sent a letter to S. I love him. But I hate him. His attitude to me hurts me. I wrote him I became better. I need him to react. I want him to love me more than he does. Invited girls for tea to my house. Mostly listened to their talks. Was smiling calmly. 1,5 hour walk with Naya Dog. Poor city dogs. After 30 minutes Naya smelled each flower in the flowerbed. Lied tongue out next to the entrance for the rest of the time. She gazed at the road lazily with sad eyes. Poor city dogs.
Stressed. I am always stressed when I am in love. I am always in love when this person is far away. My hands are like his hands.
Wild cough. Already for a week. What have I done wrong, God?