Judging myself

I felt always cold to people, who are in a team, but not working.
When working on business plan in Sweden, I felt very much like helping and people expected me too, but it could not be implemented... (though, survey, marketing and summary were done by me and I was good at primary discussions, we all know I could do more). I wasn't lazy, but when I was supposed to start some work, someone has always started it 1 second before me and I didn't resist, because that person was definetely better.... and I was scared to ask. I don't know why. Actually, I always got lost ( something like knees turning into jelly) and indifferent to anything while talking to J. (team-member), felt shy to ask something, though behaved normally... But very uncomfortable... Inflexible... Couldn't take a leading position, felt more like hiding and building friendly relationships with team mates.
I lost "the game". (If you read 'The Master and Margarita' of Michail Bulghakov (the Russian philosopher and writer) you'll see he considers fear to be the main sin. I don't feel like explaining his position, better read it.)
More than half a month has passed, but I still suffer from this fact. I started working on my own business plan, eventhough never really wanted before. I guess, to sew up the painful gap in my heart.
It all made me think that maybe I judged people too severely for not participating instead of motivating them. I learned my lesson.